I have to be honest, this upcoming mother’s day has caught me a little off guard. You see, for the past ten years, it has just been her. The light of my world, my confidant. And now with a new baby on the way, I can’t help but worry that the love I have to give will not be enough. I have been asking myself lately if the amount of love we have increases with each child? Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to this, but my gut keeps telling me yes. Or at least I can only hope it does. Growing up as an only child, this is foreign territory to me.
I felt it necessary to sit down and take the time to thank my daughter for so many things, but the list could go on forever and I fear that I might forget something. Finding out I was pregnant at nineteen, was not the easiest news in the world to swallow. I was terrified and still a baby myself in so many ways. And then this beautiful being came into the world and opened my eyes up to so many wonderful things. Things that some people are not fortunate enough to get to experience. Things that I can’t even begin to verbally express. Not only have I watched her grow into the beautiful person that she is, but she has watched me grow as well. Together, we have made it through this journey thus far, and I can only imagine what the future holds for the two of us. The truth is, I have needed her just as much as she has needed me.
She’s the best of me in so many ways, and yet I feel as if I fail her in so many more. I see so many traits in her that I wish I myself could possess. She is not only beautiful on the outside, but her inside beauty is even more radiant. Don’t ever let the world steal your sunshine, Hannah Marie.I can’t help but be thankful for this magical time that we have gotten together, just the two of us. From the silly times to the sweet moments just before bedtime, where I smother her in kisses and tell her that I love her more than anyone in the world. Which is true. She is my first born. She will always hold a very special place in my heart that no one will ever be able to fill. She has been a teacher to me just as much as I have been to her. She is the one who made me a mother, and for this I am forever grateful.
And now this not-so-little girl is going to be a big sister. The best big sister there ever was and I am so excited for her. I can only hope that she is as thankful for me as I am for her and that the love I have given to her has been enough and will continue to be enough. I may not always be able to give her the moon and the stars, but I promise to always try my hardest.
“Suddenly, through birthing a daughter, a woman finds herself face to face not only with an infant, a little girl, a woman-to-be, but also with her own unresolved conflicts from the past and her hopes and dreams for the future…. ” -Elizabeth Debold and Idelisse Malave