Healing

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After many long-awaited weeks, my OB-GYN appointment was finally yesterday. I must say, this whole process up until yesterday has been a disaster. I have never felt so out of the loop before as to what is going on with or going to happen to my body. And google didn’t help, that is for sure. So, my hope in this is that someone out there reads this and is maybe a tiny bit more prepared than I was.

Needless to say, I was a little nervous going in; especially since I had a very vague idea of what to actually expect. My blood pressure was sky-high and pulse was racing, but all I could do was sit there and continue to practice my breathing. I was scheduled for a Colposcopy with Biopsy if necessary. It turns out that my original pap results showed LSIL with a HPV effect, which is why they decided to go ahead and do a Colposcopy and not just do a repeat pap. My Dr. was wonderful in sitting down and explaining the actual procedures and what he would be looking for, and then away we went into the procedure room.

They set everything up like they would for a normal pap, except the fact that he had a rather large microscope that he was using to look at  my cervix. And then out came the “vinegar” or acetic acid. Honestly, it felt just like a normal pap smear, only it took a little longer and there was a little more swabbing. Easy peasy, I thought to myself. And then I heard him say the words “I am going to go ahead and biopsy this one spot.”. Wait, what? Before I had the time to even really process what was about to happen, he counted to three and it was over with. I didn’t feel a thing.

It wasn’t until the actual procedure was over with that I started feeling the effects. I sat up to ask my Dr. about how this  might affect having future children, and before he could finish his response, I found myself lying back on the table trying not to pass out. “This happens sometimes when we do things to the cervix” he said as he left to get the nurse. After a few minutes of being fanned by my nurse with a magazine (feeling like a goddess) and catching my breath, I was back on my feet and out the door. Or so I thought.

I made it up to the front desk to check out, and while I was standing there waiting on the people in front of me to finish setting up their next appointment, I started feeling light-headed again. I managed to walk over to a chair behind the nurse’s station and asked if I could sit down for just a second. And then it really hit me. I was going to be sick. They managed to get me back into a patient room right before it really hit. Come to find out, all these things can happen when the cervix isn’t happy. Nobody told me. I thought that once I made it through the actual procedure, I would be golden. Not so much. The cramping that came afterwards was enough to put me up on the couch with a heating pad for the rest of the night. And even the day after, I am still not 100%. The cramps are still there and the fatigue is rather present as well. But it could always be worse.

My results should be in within a week. I have no idea what to expect. One minute, I could care less, and the next, the worst possible thoughts come rushing into my brain. But my support system in all of this has been huge and I am forever grateful for that. And there is no use in borrowing troubles from tomorrow.

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