While I was standing in the bathroom getting ready for work this morning, I couldn’t help but think that my twenties are quickly coming to an end. And then I began to wonder what exactly did that mean? These past ten years have harnessed so many wonderful memories, along with so many life changing tough ones.
My first (and only for now) child was born five months after my twentieth birthday. And looking back my heart can’t help but explode at the warmth and happiness that my daughter has given to me. When people ask me to tell them about myself, the first thought that pops into my brain is, “I’m a mother.”. Being Hannah’s mom has been the sole being of my existence for, well, the past ten years. Granted motherhood arrived earlier for me than it does most people, but there isn’t a thing that I would change. I can’t help but look at her and wonder how I created this beautiful, amazing, smart human being. And the way she loves me, my goodness, there is nothing like it in the world. I can only hope that I have half the sweetness that she does and that the cruelty of the world doesn’t take it away from her.
I also experienced my first real love and heartbreak in my twenties. Marriage came and then it went. Saying things were easy for the first few years after my divorce would be a lie. The person I became during that time is not someone I am proud of, but I think it was necessary in a way for me to find myself. Five years later, things still aren’t perfect, but then again nothing in life is. I always thought that once my divorce was actually over, that all of the baggage of our relationship would be as well. But it’s not, it’s still there. And the older our daughter gets, the more challenges that come our way. But the only thing that matters in all of this is that she is our main focus. That no matter what we are doing or going through, her best interest is the one at heart.
Loss is something that is experienced throughout all stages of life. Whether it be through the loss of a friendship, loss of a loved one, or loss of the path that you thought you were supposed to be on. Either way, it hurts and it’s not always easy to deal with. But if we are lucky enough, new friends will come and even old friends will come back. Our loves one’s will be with us always in our hearts. And when one door closes, another opens.
And all of this brings me to where I am now. Soon I will begin a new decade of my life and so many changes are going to come my way, some I am prepared for and some I will be completely blind sighted by. I will by lucky enough to spend the last few days of my twenties in the beautiful state of Hawaii with my brand new husband, soaking up the sunshine and hopefully working on expanding our family (insert baby making music here).
All in all, I have come to learn that life is what you make of it. Everyone has problems, and trust me, someone always has it worse. It’s all about perspective and how one chooses to look at things. There is always a choice, whether it be as simple as choosing to look at this situation as something to learn from and move on. Life is too short and full of beautiful things to focus on the negative.