Changes

I guess you could say a lot has changed in our relationship over the past year. But then again you could probably say that for most relationships. I remember when we first started talking and all he could talk about was my smile and how beautiful he thought it was. He would tell me that as long as I was smiling, that was all that mattered as he called me “his Queen”. Of course he still does these things and they still make my heart skip a beat each time he does, but our relationship consists of so much more these days. Our days are no longer full of sending each other a million snapchat pictures just so we can see the other person’s cute face. Instead, they contain the dreaded questions like “What sounds good for dinner?” or “Can you please do the laundry when you get home?” or include statements like “We overdrew OUR account.” (Oops!)

So, tonight as I was clicking through my phone getting ready to call my love, I couldn’t help but look down at his ear to ear grin and smile to myself. This picture, one of the previous snaps I referred to earlier, made me realize just how far we’ve come. I’m not sure at what point things started changing; some days it feels like it was overnight and some days the changes feel gradual. It seems funny how we tend to forget some of the things that had such major influence in the beginning. But this I am sure of, that every day I wake up, I am thankful for this man who makes my life so wonderful. If someone would have told me that this was where my life was going to end up, I never would have believed them. I have no idea where the future is going to take us or what new things it will bring our way, but I can only hope that we will always be able to look back and remember where we started and realize just how far we’ve come. Together. As an us.

 

Thankful

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As the holidays quickly approach us, I wanted to take a few extra moments to acknowledge all of the wonderful things I have to be grateful for this past year. Needless to say, these past 11 months have been very busy for me. You see, I was very lucky to have met a man who I fell deeply in love with. Along the way we got engaged, I got a new job, and eventually we moved into a new house together. Lots of steps. Lots of stress. But lots of wonderful memories were made along the way.

This year has also been a huge year of growth for me. I have started to fully appreciate and embrace the wonderful relationships I have in my life. I think as we get older our relationships in general change, but the one’s with our parents especially change. (At least they have for me.) We seem to gain a sense of understanding of what they have been dealing with after all of these years. Maybe we finally start to realize that just like us, they are also human. Although, I never seem to notice that my parents have aged. I still see the same young, beautiful people (with flecks of gray in their hair, don’the tell mom) that they were when I was growing up. I don’t know what I will do when the day comes that I can’t pick up the phone on my way home from work to discuss the days events with my parents. Those phone calls that have no specific reason other than I just want to hear your voice are something to truly be cherished. Not everyone has that, and one of these days, unfortunately, I won’t either.

My relationship with my daughter has also gone through some changes. She is no longer living full-time in my house. While this transition was extremely hard at first, thankfully, there is a woman on the other side that makes me happy she is there to help take care of my child and to help give her the love that she needs and deserves. The thought of another woman kissing my child goodnight and telling her that she loves her would have sent me over the edge a few years ago. I’m not sure what shifted in the universe to make me more open-minded to this situation, but whatever it was, I am grateful for it. You see, I am actually lucky because my amazing daughter just has one more person in this world to provide care and support to her.

Friendships have come and gone this year. Which is to be expected. But of course, the one’s that really matter have stuck around. While I can count the number of my “true” friends on one hand, I find myself very lucky to actually consider them as family. Sometimes the details aren’t in the quantity, but the quality.

Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, but this year I am ready to make new memories and form new traditions. While it is hard to say goodbye to some of the old, there is solace in knowing that this is only the beginning of something grand.

“How Can I help?”

Last night, while I was venting to my soon to be husband about all the stress that was coming from planning our wedding, he asked me a question that completely shocked me. Who knew the four words, “How can I help?” have so much meaning behind them, even though there isn’t really a whole lot that he can do. In that moment he made me realize that I’m not alone in this. I think as women, we sometimes forget that there is another person included, a whole other side to the story to be considered . We feel as if the burden of planning everything down to the tiniest little detail is solely our responsibility, and it’s not. Why should it be? This isn’t just my wedding, it’s our wedding. Which he ever so kindly reminded me of last night. And while there may not be anything that he can physically do to help, the fact that he was willing and able to listen to my concerns is more of a contribution than I could have ever expected. He’s my rock and every day I am reminded more and more why I have made the decision to spend the rest of my life with him.

& then comes baby

While we were having our bedtime conversations last night, the topic of babies somehow managed to come up. This isn’t a topic talked about a lot with us, although we have brushed on it from time to time and both seem to be on the same page about things, but the idea always seemed so distant. Until last night when he muttered the words, “That’s the next step isn’t it? First comes love, then comes marriage…that’s what comes next.” Yes, my darling, that’s what comes next and I cannot wait to experience it with you.