I decided to go ahead and write about this now before the busy weekend ahead takes it away from me.
A couple of days from now will mark the four year anniversary of my divorce. Do you remember where you were four years ago on September 17th? Most people probably don’t, but I do. However, it seems so much longer than four years from my viewpoint. There I was, 25 years old, walking into the court house all by myself as a Mrs. and walking out those same exact doors, an hour later missing a letter and wondering what in the hell I was going to do with myself. I was no longer married.
I’ll spare you the gory details for now of the years to follow. As a good friend of mine said the other day, “But it wasn’t good for a long time.” And she’s right, it wasn’t good for a long time. I had days, weeks, even months where I felt the world around me was caving in. But my response was this, “But that time seems minute now compared to what I’ve found.” Divorce isn’t pretty by any means, and mine, thankfully, wasn’t even that bad considering some of the stories I have heard over the years. But it isn’t just all bad, there have been a lot of good things that have come out of my divorce that I think should be recognized and celebrated.
The same question always tends to rise up, “Did I make the right decision?” And over the years the answer has changed. And then it hit me the other day, for the first time in four years, I am actually content with where I am at in my life. I finally feel as if all those years of struggle have brought me here, to exactly where I am supposed to be.
Subconsciously, this time of year is almost a measuring point for me in a sense; a way for me to look back at my life and see how far I have actually come. A way for me to realize that sometimes, the things that are really important to us are worth fighting for, like one’s own personal happiness. And my goodness have I learned a lot over these past four years. (Who knew jumping a car was so easy? Or learning that airing up one’s own tires isn’t as complicated as one always thought.) The point is, that the personal growth I have not only gained as an individual, but as a mother are noteworthy. And I’m thankful for that.
And so here we are, four years later. I’m sure that when the actual day rolls around I won’t give any of this but a second’s thought. You see, I’ll be too busy relishing in this beautiful life that is now currently mine. It just so happens that the day that marks an ending of a relationship, also celebrates the beginning of a new one for me. It may seem silly to some to glorify the fact that we have been together for nine months, but I have come to learn that the little things are sometimes the biggest of all.