Dependency

“I need you to start being more co-dependent.”

This statement goes against everything I have strived to accomplish over these past four years. My independence is part of the reason for my survival. Breaking the walls down that you have worked so hard to build is not going to be easy.

Most Beautiful Woman

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“No.”

“Yes, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”

Why is it so hard for a woman to embrace the fact that the man she loves thinks she’s beautiful? Is there a class we can take on learning to accept compliments? Somehow I seem to have missed that lesson in life. I just hope that my daughter truly knows and believes within her just how beautiful she really is. I suppose that is why I find it so important to tell her 500 million times a day that she is my beautiful baby and just how much I love her. Maybe it’s my overcompensation to make up for my insecurities, my strive to make her a better person that I ever was or ever could be.

Coffee Feeling

I keep wondering when I am going to wake up in the morning from this dream I have been in. How is it that after all this time I have finally found what I have been looking for? This feeling, this “coffee” feeling just overwhelms every part of my being and has me thinking of things I had practically shunned to the darkest corners of my mind. Love is such an amazing thing.

The Beginning…

& so this is it, the beginning of the release of the madness that swirls around in my head. I have thought for years about blogging but could never find it within myself a place to start. But then it occurred to me, is there ever a better time to start anything other than the present? I mean… I suppose everything has it’s own place and time, but in my world, if immediate action does not get taken, then goodness only knows when the time will occur again for it to actually happen. Sometimes never. Which leads me to wonder how many opportunities I have actually missed in my lifetime due to procrastination…but then again I wouldn’t be where I am now had I not waited for some things…

Which leads me to where I am now, on this new journey in life happy as a clam and thankful. And for some reason I feel as if the things I have been through, my day to day experiences over the past 28 years that have led up to this point in time matter and need to be documented. I suppose in some way I have always desired to be a means of inspiration to someone. Literally, someone. Anyone. It doesn’t matter who. I want it to be known that happiness is accomplishable. I am living proof after all.

The point to all of this is, it’s amazing when you finally lift your head up and realize how far you have actually come over a time period and how much you have to be thankful for. It is hard for me to believe that I have officially been on my own as an adult for four years. And all this time I felt like I was failing. I have learned that it is all a matter of perspective. I mean sure, I could look at my current life situation and find multiple things to be depressed about. But the point is that I choose not to. No matter how much is going wrong in my life, the good outweighs the bad.