Well, I officially have five weeks (or fewer) left on this pregnancy. I would like to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed it, but in all honesty, it’s been quite hard and seems to only be getting harder. The question lately on everyone’s minds seems to be “How are you feeling?”. Physically, I don’t feel all that bad. I don’t seem to have major aches that some people have, thankfully. However, my hands have started bothering me pretty bad this past week and my legs and feet just ache at the end of the day. Overall, I am just mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. Trying to prepare for my little E the closer it gets to her being here is harder than I thought it would be. I somehow had it built up in my brain that I would just soak up the next weeks to come in great anticipation of her arrival. However, the closer it gets, the more anxiety that seems to set in.
I actually have to have this baby. She physically has to come out of me. And while I have done this act before, somehow it doesn’t seem to reassure me in any way. I practically slept through my whole labor with H. How can I possibly expect things to go that smoothly again? But, being a huge believer in positive energy, I am trying to stay as positive as I can about the experience to come. I have no reason to believe that things will not go smoothly, other than the horrible labor stories I have heard from people lately.
Her room is slowly coming together, but there is still so much to do. So many pictures to be hung, so many little things that need to be organized. But every time I walk in there, I just get this overwhelming sense of peace that washes over me knowing that one day soon, my precious little baby will be here. My house already feels empty without her in it.
Ready to start my maternity leave is an understatement. I think it’s more so the fact that I am just ready to take an eight week break from adulting and focus on raising my newborn. I know that I won’t be getting much of a “break” being a new mom, but I would much prefer the trade of staying home with my little than waking up and going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love working and I love my job, but sometimes it all just gets to be too much and I feel the need to step away and just enjoy the little things again. I am looking for the day when I don’t have to wake up to the alarm clock on my phone every morning. As terrified as I am about sleep deprivation, I am actually greatly anticipating not being on anyone else’s schedule but E’s for a while. I plan to soak up her being little as much as I possibly can. Although I am sure that none of the time I have will actually go the way I am planning and it will be over with before I know it, but here’s hoping.
This weekend is our babymoon. We decided that before time gets away from us and I am still physically able to go places, we better take advantage of it while we can. We really have no plans set in stone as to what we are going to do while we are gone, but I am looking forward to a weekend away with my husband to reconnect. Life has been pretty busy as of late between preparing for E and birthday’s, that I think we both just need a breath of fresh air.
I go back to the Dr. today for my 34 week appointment, and will start going every week from here on out. It’s amazing to think that we have all made it this far. I felt E dragging her elbow or hand across the bottom portion of my belly last night and I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world she was doing in there. I woke up this morning to her little hiccups and as I am typing right now, she is rolling around in my belly. I am so ready to meet this little one it is becoming overwhelming. I want to kiss her cheeks and see her beautiful face. Just a few more weeks.